When I need to speak to you, you are not there… When I do speak you are quick to judge. When I explain my position you leap to anger. When I am open to listen you jump to conclusions. When I offer resolution you condemn, reprimand and punish. When I freely express you seek to confine, shut down and impose boundaries.
What I observe in you is anger, denial, resentment, loss, abandonment and betrayal. I see that you are out of touch with your own reality. You don’t see me because you can’t see the real you. You have learned to disconnect and live in a world of fantasy. Anything that doesn’t fit the safety of your fantasy world causes you pain and the desire to lash out.
What I do is pull away, self preserve and retreat knowing that only you can save yourself if you really really want to. What I know is that I can lead you to water but I cannot make you drink it anymore than I can make myself do anything I “choose” not to.
What I realize is that only you can liberate yourself from the chains of your emotional past. A trail of disturbing events that bind you to a life of insensitivity, numbness and delusion. A prison that continues to hold you back from living in the now.
What I feel is the desire to pray… I pray that your soul will connect you to the divine grace within. I pray that you will find your way back to peace of mind. I pray that your heart will sing again and that you can look life in the face without fear of being triggered into that shallow space of hopelessness and desperation. I pray that you will have faith in you and no longer be stuck in a place of coping but delivered from past traumatic events into the present moment of joyful living.
In the meantime I recognize… and move on to avoid becoming victimized…
—RaineVance © 2013